I am one that is normally very good at keeping my emotions in tact and I handle stress fairly well. My mentality is that God never doles out more than you can handle, but..........right now I am so completely overwhelmed that it's not even funny! I've never felt this way and I don't know how to handle it. I can't explain it either...Brian tried to talk to me about it last night and I just couldn't explain why I was feeling this way. I just laid there in bed next to him and let the tears roll slowly down my cheeks and couldn't say anything because nothing could really explain why I felt this way. We have so much going on in our lives right now, but it's all working out so I don't know why I just feel so overwhelmed. Can anyone explain this?
For those of you who don't know what all is going on here we go...1st, my children cannot get along right now, everything is a fight with screaming, hitting, pinching you name it and the 2 year old is worse than the 5 year old. The only time they seem to be remotely good is when Daddy is home, so needless to say I'm the one who is almost in tears when Brian leaves for work. 2nd, Last Thursday my van got plowed into while parked out on the curb at my in-laws house...the insurance deamed it totaled, but of course we were upside down in the loan and so we not only owe the remaining, but we will have to roll it into another loan when we find a new car. Finding another car...not totally hard, but just add that to the "to do" list and make sure it is within the budget. 3rd, the realization that my oldest is going into Kindergarten next year hit me this week when I turned in all her paperwork and made a Kindergarten Registration appointment for her. I know that one is silly, but not for me! She is still so little and I don't want her to be bullied or worse be the bully and so I go through everything we've taught her in my head about how we treat everyone we meet the way we want to be treated, always share, greet people with a smile always, always use nice words, if you ever have a problem come to Mommy or Daddy or any adult you trust, etc. It's so scary...is she ready?? Academically...YES, Socially...that's a big fat ??. I know I am totally starting to sound crazy...bare with me. 4th, all that nesting and spring cleaning I did...all went to the way side. My house is a mess again and I'm worried that something will happen and I will have the baby way to early and come home to a messy house. I so don't want to do that because since both the other two girls were born during the Holidays when I came home from the hospital the house was a disaster with stuff all over. I just want to come home stress free this time and sit with my three girls on the couch and enjoy the miracles God has blessed us with. Is that really too much to ask?? And finally 5th, I HAVE A BABY DUE IN ABOUT 8 WEEKS! and I have done nothing for her. Is this a sign of how it is going to be with another one?? I vowed always to give/do the same for all of my kids, no matter how many there end up being. Afterall, I am a STAY-AT-HOME MOM, that is my job! How hard can it be for goodness sake?? Just kidding, don't answer that! I just want her room to be put together, but I can't because Hailee is still using the crib for another couple of weeks and I want to go through and organize the clothes we saved and get those washed and ready, but Hailee's clothes are still in the dresser. However, I don't want Hailee to feel like we are pushing her out of her room...granted she is way excited to be sharing a room with Chloe, but with Hailee you have to transition slowly or she gets totally overwhelmed and it can get ugly. Oh my goodness I love my kids so much it hurts!!!
I just need a break away from everything and be able to have a good LONG cry!! Right?? I don't know.
Anyway, like I said nothing to major and everything will work out, but it's still making feel overwhelmed and out of control of things, something I've never really felt before. I'm so sorry for such a long post, but if I didn't write it down and get it out I think I might have burst!! It truly is going to be a good year for The Simpson's...we just need to get through these next two months. Love to all!!